20 Defining Moments of Being a Mama.

Yesterday was my fourth Mother's Day.  It's hard to even remember all those years ago when  I celebrated Mother's Day for the first time with a seven week old baby in a bleary eyed stated.  Me.  Not the baby.  

I was still trying to figure out this being-a-mom thing back then (who am I kidding?  I still am.) and I was also in the midst of that many-month long waiting process until an adoption is finalized and I lived each day holding my breath a little bit, even though I really knew in my head.......things were fine.  

During that "waiting" period I internalized every little thing about my daughter.  I was storing them, searing them, etching them, and locking them into my soul in case..................

Many of those moments defined me as a mom.  Habits I started then, I still do.  Routines I initiated during the wait, I still carry out.  Things I worried about then, I still fret over.  

A fellow adoptive mama that I've recently met and profiled on Mom Colored Glasses this week posted a piece about her twenty defining moments of motherhood on her blog.  It was contemplative, introspective, moving, and so very relatable.  Because all of us moms, if we think about it, can put our finger on moments that made us who we are as moms.  And they are by no means exhaustive.  They're just what stand out........right now.......

So here are mine........my 20 Defining Moments of Motherhood......with a few pictures of our Mother's Day yesterday.  

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1.  My first tears after one of our adoption education classes.  Adoption was hard.  I was being asked to stretch myself in ways I didn't really want to stretch.  I was being trained to be a mom.....I know that now.  

2.  Meeting Georgia's birth-parents and feeling all of my armor against open adoption just clatter to the floor in a matter of five minutes.  I stepped over all that ridiculous armor and gave them a hug.  One of many.  

3. Getting that phone call at 12:30 in the morning on March 20th, 2009--Georgia was on her way.  This was happening. 

4.  Putting Georgia in her car seat and walking out of her birth mom's hospital room with her.  I was crying huge wracking sobs.  I could hardly breathe.  I felt like the worst person in the world........and the luckiest.  Two emotions that have a hard time living together.  

5.  Letting Georgia sleep on my chest in bed.  It went against all advice but I needed it and she needed it that first week home from the hospital.  It really cemented for me the fact that I was her mom.......and let's be honest.  It helped us all get some sleep.  

6. When I called Chris at work when Georgia was five weeks old and she'd been crying for five hours. I told him I really needed him to come home.  I needed help.  It's okay--and necessary to ask for help when you're a mom.  Do it.  

7.  The first time someone ever said anything negative to me about birthparents.  I let them know quickly how wrong they were. 

8.  When the doctor told me Georgia would need to wear a helmet for a few months.  I was distraught.  And then I remembered; she's healthy, there are no problems, she has a flat spot, we'll fix it.  Perspective--I needed to get some.  

9.  The day we got the phone call that we'd been assigned a court date.  The adoption was final.  

10.  When Georgia was eleven months old I found myself bent over the toilet puking one morning, Chris was out of the country, and I had to be at work in an hour to lead an all day training.  I've got this.  No really, I do.  

11.  When I realized, as Georgia approached her first birthday, that what I wanted career wise was light years away from what I'd wanted just one year prior........and I couldn't even remember being the me that had wanted something so different.  And I was perfectly fine with that.  And still am. 

12.  The first time I realized it was easier to control a classroom of 7th grade history students than my two year old.  I needed to be humbled.  I actually didn't have this.  

13.  When Georgia tells me, "Mommy--you're my best."

14.  The first time I threw away the "extra-super strength" diaper rash medicine Georgia had been prescribed......again...... and listened to my mom's advice instead.  It worked.  In one day.  My mom is right........almost always.  I need to listen to her more.  A lot of times, other mamas can give you better advice than your doctor. 

15.  The first time I let Georgia bring her own grocery cart to the store and she walked ahead of me.  Independently. Totally uninhibited.  And I realized.........she's going to be grown up so fast.  These years......when she's young and needs me 150% of the time I'm all hers.  I can't let anything come between us.  

16.  When Chris and I made a parenting decision others didn't understand.  And we didn't care. I believe God gives you a 'gut' instinct about your kids He doesn't give to other people and it's our job as parents to listen to those instincts.......despite what others might think.  It paid off.  

17.  The first conversation that Georgia and I REALLY had regarding why she grew in Tarah's tummy, but doesn't live with her.  We'll have more of these I know.......and they're important.........I am {mostly} ready.  

18.  When Georgia decided all on her own that she was ready to use the potty.......after many months of trying to teach her to no avail.  Control.........it's not really something moms ever have even though we try to attain it over and over and over.........instead we provide guidance and love and support and wisdom.  

19.  When we went to a friends adoption finalization hearing this past winter at the same court house that Georgia's was at........she was thrilled to be there.  She told everyone that it was where her 'doption day' had been too.  I was so proud of her.  It is my deep hope that I can continue to foster a sense of pride in her that she is adopted.  

20.  Realizing that being a mom is one of the most important things I'll ever do.  The hardest.  And most rewarding. 

These eyes.....She loves to make them......and she's really good at it.  We tried the whole, "they'll stay like that if you keep doing it," and realized we sounded like grand-parents so we stopped.  And now it's a sure fire way to get her to smile for pictures!

What are yours?  What are your defining moments as a mom.  What precious minutes have made you realize, "This is who I am. This is what makes me a mom.  These are the moments that I will hold to tightly and never let go." 

I'd love to hear them.  

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To end......I need to say thank-you.  Thank you to Kelle Hampton for including me in her latest post.  She asked for women to tell their stories; stories of working through something hard and something uncomfortable--stories that made us 'bloom.' I am honored that she chose a portion of our adoption story amongst the hundreds of entries she received.  Entries that detailed strong, courageous, unrelenting women facing some of life's most horrendous battles.  Read them.  They are inspiring. 

If I had to pick a #21 of defining moments--this would be it.  It's taught me that my voice for adoption is worthy and valuable and true and that I don't need to stifle it.  And as I've said over and over, I will work to cultivate a culture of adoption in this country. In little ways and in big ways.  Every day.