Big-Little.

Georgia has deemed herself big-little.  She came up with this label all on her own and whips it out often. It seems to be a convenient argument when she doesn't want to do things like pick up ALL of her toys, brush her teeth, put on her shoes, or follow directions the first time she hears them.

"Georgia--you can do this.  I've seen you do it before. You're a big girl."

"No.  I'm big little.  I'm too small to do it all the way."

But she's plenty big to carry a chair into the kitchen to reach the counter for some candy, pick up all of her toys when she thinks she's going to get something in return for doing it, brush her teeth with a dentist's accuracy when the promise of crazy lights is looming, or move quickly on command if it means we'll be doing some kind of art project.

Big-little.  Makes sense right?

I'm a big girl and I should be able to jump on the bed, pretend to drive the car, walk down the stairs by myself, color with markers, and drink out of a regular cup but I'm too little to clean up all the pennies I've distributed throughout the living room, put the colored pencils back in their cup, put my shoes back in my room, or understand I can't chase the cat.

And we laugh about it when she says it because the manipulative genius behind it one would not necessarily expect from a two year old.  I mean--really--the thought process that went into coming up with this little moniker is impressive.

And lately.....I've been thinking about how Georgia is big-little a lot.  Georgia is two and a half and has no interest in being potty trained.

None.

Not even a little.  And definitely not big-little.

In fact, she told me the other day that she likes it when her diaper is dirty.  When another little kid (and there's been three of them in the past two weeks) made a comment to her about how she still wore diapers her response was, "Nope.  I wear pull-ups," and when she sees her best little friend use the potty she can relay all the steps that need to be taken down to washing the hands but when it's mentioned how cool it is that her friend uses the potty and wouldn't you like to do that her answer is always, "No.  I do it different.  I wear pull-ups!  Yeah pull-ups."

I rarely even mention potty training to Georgia at the request of her pediatrician for a whole slew of reasons that I don't need to go into now......but I still just hope every day that she'll turn the corner and decide on her own that she wants to be a big girl today.  Not a big-little girl.

And I KNOW, everyone and their mother tells me, that when she's ready she'll do it.  But I find that as helpful as people telling you, "God only gives you what you can handle," when your life is falling apart, or "It will all work out in time--you'll see," when everything you've worked so hard for just falls off a cliff.  I believe the above to be true, but fortune cookie advice is.............annoying and not helpful in the moment.  Let's all be honest.  And there's generally more going on under the surface that isn't necessarily laid out for public consumption that explains the situation at hand............

So anyway......I know that Georgia won't go to college wearing diapers.  But sometimes........when everyone else's kid is making their way to a diaper free existence and the cute Hello Kitty underwear that have been laying neglected in Georgia's drawer keep laying there--and the potential wearer of these couldn't care less-- it's hard not to start feeling like the last girl in your class that needs a bra.

But I know that there are perks to a diaper wearing kid.....like no emergency trips to the bathroom in the middle of a gas station--as savory as that always is, less laundry due to accidents, and no clock watching until the next time I have to remind her that we should "try." I keep telling myself all of these things and most of the time they're my reality.  It's just sometimes I slip into insecure sixth grader mode and just wonder, "Why?  Why don't you think it's cool to pee in your musical potty? You love music--you know the words to every song we listen to!!!"

"Why don't you want to be big big instead of big little?"

And then Georgia does something like tell me she can't wait to be big so she can marry daddy just like I did and my heart melts and I know she'd never say that if she were big big.  So I guess---I know--I'm good with Georgia being big little for a little while still.

She's big big here, so of course "Toto" needs a ride on her feet just like she takes rides on mommy's feet.

Love you my big little girl.  Love you forever.