Biters, Hitters, Breakers, & Mom Guilt

See this kid?

The cute one kissing a flamingo light.....or a "mingo" as she calls them.

And this one?

Checking out books at the library like the little smartie that she is.

Or how about her?

Working intently on a project at the children's museum--or is she trying to cut her hand?  I don't know.  Either way--love that profile and I am tempted to eat those cheeks most of the time I look at them. 

And then there's this kid.

Throwing a temper tantrum at the children's museum because I wouldn't let her walk down the stairs all by herself--even though she's big.  Aghhhhh--if I have to hear about her being big another time...................(I actually love it and wouldn't wish it away for anything on the face of this planet).

Well.....here's her dirty little secret.  She's a hitter.  Yep--I said it out loud. 

I escaped my kid being a biter (phew......no one likes the kid that bites right?).  And I have never moved one knick knack, vase of flowers, picture frame, or had to install even the hint of any child-proofing device anywhere in my house because she never tried to break anything, touch anything, or get into anything she wasn't supposed to.  She says please and thank-you.  She tells me that she loves me 'ever' (forever).  She squeezes my cheeks in her intense little way and tells me, "You a beautiful girl mommy."

But she's a hitter.

She hits mommy when she's frustrated--because she can't figure something out, I'm trying to comb her hair, her face is getting wiped and she has other plans, she's being spoken to sternly, or I'm trying to un-buckle her from her car seat when she's cranky.  Not in the face.....on the arm, on the hands, on my leg, or the top of a table.....she's a hitter.  Don't worry--if you have a play date with us she won't hit your kid.  I'm the lucky recipient of this frustration. 

And here's the thing....I've tried everything--time-outs, taking things away, not doing our planned events, squeezing her hand, a slap on the leg, and on and on and on.  And here's the other thing......I was a teacher for ten years and I ran an unbelievably well managed classroom........how is this two year old changing my game?

Through her cunning two year old ways, that's how.

I know.  This too shall pass right?  It's all a phase.  She's two.  It's not that uncommon (or is it? Don't tell me if it's not--just nod and agree.) But it's so frustrating.  This little girl who I'm working every day on turning into a responsible adult who understands life lessons and consequences and receives consistent everything hits me! And then....when it's happened more than once in a short time span I freak out and speak too sternly to her (in my opinion) and squeeze her little hand and say no and she starts to cry those huge big tears and looks at me and says, "Mommy not do that."  My husband says that's how I know I'm getting through--my crazy mom brain kicks in the mom guilt at that moment. 

I start working through all the scenarios that my actions will result in.  She'll stop trusting me.  She'll go to therapy.  She'll.....................It's truly ridiculous right? I want to go scoop her out of her crib and say I'm sorry and tell her not to worry about it and let's just forget it.  I just feel so guilty.

But that's not right either.  My mom guilt is a lie.  I have to keep telling myself that (at least about this situation) so I don't give into it.  But wow!  Do I hate the mom guilt.  I think I could make a list of 1,000 things that I feel mom guilt about and they'd all be ridiculous because they'd all be things that were normal and that were going to contribute to the well-being of my girl.

Agh.  That's it.  That's what's on my mind tonight.

Can I get an amen for hating mom-guilt?